I just re-read my last entry and boy, was that rambling. It barely scratches the surface of the last few months, which of course, bled into the holidays which can be difficult enough in a good year. I tried to enjoy my time, tried to banish the thoughts of “will this be my last Christmas?”, tried to not focus on the scans that loom large at the end of this week. I started taking my anxiety meds more regularly, a habit I had been too anxious to realize I’d broken. I have to start thinking about my return to work, something I’ve not sure I’m ready for. I can’t seem to think much past my scans. These feel like pivotal scans, did the ablation work? How’s the chemo doing? What is going on under the surface? We don’t have much of an indicator and wading into the unknown is downright terrifying. Hoping for some good news to close out this year.